The Power Of "No"
“No.”
The word No usually gets a bad rap in team building and organizational dynamics. What does it bring up in you? Rejection? Frustration? Negativity? The truth is No can be a very strategic and empowering response in professional environments.
In this article, we’ll explore:
2 common reasons why people don’t say No
2 negative impacts of not saying No
2 positive outcomes when you do say No
Two Common Reasons Why People Don’t Say No
1. “I don’t want to upset the requestor.”
Saying No to someone may evoke disappointment, anger or frustration. It’s a common practice to avoid saying No to avoid an unwelcome or difficult response from the requestor.
There are three false beliefs active in this scenario. The first false belief is, “I can control someone else’s emotional reaction.” This could not be further from the truth. You are responsible for your emotions and the other person is responsible for theirs. Is the underlying assumption accurate that saying No will even evoke an emotional response? Making decisions based on someone else’s emotional response can lead you down a rabbit hole which is tough to climb out of.
The second false belief is, “I can’t handle when someone else flies off the handle.” This is simply not true. You can handle uncomfortable situations. If you believe that you cannot handle a tough reaction after saying No to someone, then you have found a great trailhead for your own professional development. You may have an inner critic guiding you to play it safe and say Yes instead. Get to know that inner critic.
The third false belief is, “I don’t have the grounds to say No.” Every professional at every level of an organization can say No and should feel empowered to say No. It is very common for professionals early in their career to struggle with saying No, especially to senior leaders. The struggle to say No is not exclusive to junior professionals. Senior leaders in the professional world can have trouble saying No. Everyone up and down an organization has a right to say “No.”
2. “I don’t want to appear unhelpful.”
Good natured, kind-hearted people like to help others. Being of service, giving back and assisting others are all wonderful motivators in professional settings. These motivators are not isolated to values-based organizations and nonprofits. You see people who like to give of themselves in all industries. Saying No can appear, on the surface, to be unhelpful and contrarian.
Ask yourself this question. “Do I want to be helpful or do I need to be helpful?” The difference between want and need here is critical. If you want to be helpful, you have a healthy motivator. If you need to be helpful, you may have an identity issue to unpack. If your identity and sense of balance is rooted in how helpful you are deemed by others, you need to connect to your own core. You are referencing others to find yourself. This outside-in approach can leave you feeling ungrounded and lost. Start with you. Start within. Start with your identity, your talents, your value, your limits. Then move to others. The inside-out approach will better serve you.
Two Negative Impacts Of Not Saying No
1. Burnout
Show me a person who says yes to everything and I’ll show you a person that is burned out. Saying yes to everything leads to overcommitment. Over promise, underdeliver, then watch your reputation and work-life balance go down in flames. If you lead a team and you always say “Yes,” you will burn out your team too. Without a No, the work will never stop, your team will always be in overdrive and you will all be exhausted.
2. You become more reactive and less strategic
With too much on your plate, you never get to the work that matters most. You are constantly putting out fires and always two steps behind. You become reactive. Hours and days are lost without critical work getting done. Key deadlines are missed. And you have dug yourself a tough hole to climb out of.
Two Reasons Why Saying No Is A Good Thing
1. Set Boundaries
Saying no sets a boundary. Saying No gains respect. Without a No, other leaders and co-workers may not take you seriously. They understand that if they apply a little pressure and persistence, they can influence you and get what they want at your expense. Confidence and holding positions of authority come with saying No. Professionals who fall on the higher side of the sensitivity scale often struggle here. Saying No is a right of passage that can earn you respect.
2. Stay focused on what is most important
Saying No will quiet the noise and distractions, to keep you and the team focused on strategic work. Without a firm No, the distractions become unmanageable. The most important strategic work will never finish or may never even start in the first place. Saying No to less important non-strategic work means saying Yes to high return activity.
What is preventing you from saying No?
What will you say No to?