This Is Leadership

As we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., it is quite fitting to heed guidance offered by his daughter Dr. Bernice King. In an interview with ABC News last Thursday, she offered sapient insights for America as it enters an important week in its history:

“We’ve got to learn, how my father said, to live together as brothers and sisters with all our diversity of thought, belief or together we are going to perish as fools. So there is a lot of work to do…We have to find a way to win people over, not necessarily to think exactly like us, to find common pathways forward as a nation.

“We have to learn how to stand our ground in our own principal belief but we also have to find common ground. And we do that by first seeking to understand people so we can connect with people. Because it’s in that connection where change comes and transformation comes and a win-win pathway is discovered.”

This is leadership. Start with understanding. Find common ground. Discover a path forward together to repair divisions. 

In the moment patience and understanding can be difficult to harness. How do you seek to understand someone who has thoughts and beliefs in radical opposition to your own?

Start with short “How” or “What” questions. They are your bridge builders to listening, connection and fruitful conversation:

What’s your perspective?

How do you see it?

What’s your take?

Asking “Why” questions can evoke a defensive response. There is implicit judgment in “Why” questions. 

Why do you feel that way?

Why did you make that decision?

Why didn’t we get these results?

The next time you find yourself in a potentially heated conversation with someone you disagree with, follow Dr. Bernice King’s guidance and first seek understanding. Do that by leaning into your “How” and “What” questions. It will help your individual pathway to be a great leader.